I'm not a religious person so maybe that's why I find this completely hysterical. Macleans published a column by Scott Feschuk that totally cracked me up. He uses the idea of baby Jesus as a blogger to describe society's current obsession with social media. That's how I see it anyway. Read through the comments on the Macleans website and you'll see that not everyone agrees and some find the article offensive.
Hi! I’m Baby Jesus. Hope you enjoy my blog!
A new batch of shepherds showed up. I’m liveblogging it. 3:22 Bowing. 3:23 Kneeling.
Baby Jesus: the Blog
User Profile: I am the Son of God, the Prince of Peace and the Messiah. I am also good with tools.
Likes: Carpentry, Fish, Hugs
Dislikes: Money-changers, Cruelty, Shaving
What I’m Doing Right Now: Various people are bringing me laud
12/25/0
4:33 a.m. Hi, I’m Baby Jesus. Welcome to my blog! It’s a place where I can write down my feelings about stuff and junk, tell you about what’s going down here in B-hem and keep you up to date on the redeeming of mankind. Enjoy!
4:54 So this is antiquity. Question: are there always this many cows around?
7:22 I don’t know about these swaddling clothes. Swaddling is pretty 10 B.M. (Before Me) if you know what I’m saying. What do you think? Answer my online poll.
10:36 Just spent the last 90 minutes being adored. Next up: an hour, maybe two, of being beheld. Surprisingly fatiguing.
11:51 Man, this is awkward. There’s this kid who’s been playing his drum for me for, like, ever. Which is great and everything, and the ox and lamb seem to be enjoying themselves—but has no one in this town heard of a melody? Maybe if I smile at him he’ll stop.
12:08 p.m. Pah-rum-pum-pum-pum. Oh great, now that’s going to be in my head all day.
1:39 Let’s take a question from the mailbag. Shepherd23987612 asks: “Baby Jesus, will sinners burn in the fires of Hell for all eternity or for a finite period that reflects the severity of their transgressions?” Good question, Shepherd239etc. (Spoiler alert!) Eternity. Remember: I don’t make the rules, I just serve as a physical manifestation of the omnipotent deity who does.
2:12 While it is true there are no limits to my capacity for forgiveness, let’s try to keep things civilized in the comments section, okay? It’s getting out of hand. Kill everyone under the age of 2? That’s real classy, KingHerodRocks.
3:03 Angels. They are beautiful. Truly one of God’s most inspired creations. I just had no idea how much they shed. There are feathers everywhere.
3:08 How’s this sound: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto other others.” Needs work, right? I’ll give it a polish.
3:22 A new batch of shepherds just showed up. I’m going to liveblog it:
• 3:22:08 Bowing.
• 3:23:44 Kneeling.
• 3:25:16 I think I saw a full-on genuflect there.
• 3:26:11 And again with the bowing.
5:46 Frankincense and myrrh?? I guess it’s true what they say—you really can’t have too much aromatic resin.
6:18 Back to the mailbag. Shepherd 123954644 asks: “How would you feel if over the course of many centuries the joyful celebration of the miracle of your virgin birth was slowly but inexorably transformed into an increasingly secular event characterized by binge eating, an insatiable lust for consumer goods and blindly pagan reverence for a mythical, chronically obese, gift-giving hermit?”
Honest answer: I’d be a bit bummed. That said, what’s with all the cynicism? Doesn’t anyone have a question for me about the Good News I bring and the fact that I am both the light and the way?
8:44 I’ve had to turn off this blog’s comments feature—some of the stuff was really getting personal. (Yes, I’m talking to you, JesusSucks.)
I’m sorry about the brightness of the star over my manger—but it’s an essential part of the overall effect. It wouldn’t be much of a “star of wonder” if shepherds had to stand around debating which one it was, would it? Sorry you walked all the way to Sidon because you followed the wrong star, Wise Men, but Almighty God had to respect municipal bylaws relating to light pollution. Jesus!
Oh, great, you’ve made me take me in vain. Thanks a lot.
Also, an important note: while yes, technically speaking, I am responsible for all these shepherds wandering into town, that does not mean I have to cover their bar tabs.
9:17 Just talked to the Holy Father. Asked if there’s a different species I could be redeeming. He’s going to get back to me after he predetermines the outcome of today’s chariot race.
Thanks to my friend Peter for sending this one to me.
Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts
Friday, January 23, 2009
Sunday, December 9, 2007
knockin' on heaven's door...
Margaret and Bob stopped by yesterday. They came to see Steve but he was out. I'd never met them before and Steve has only known them for a couple of months. He met them one Saturday morning when they rang our doorbell. Steve had mistakenly left the front door open with only the storm door to protect us from the outside world. Since it was obvious that we were home, Steve answered the door. We are generally polite people so Steve listened to the sales pitch and accepted the pamphlet. Margaret and Bob left after a few minutes and Steve vowed never to leave the front door open again. They visited again a few weeks later, catching Steve outside with no escape. Again, he patiently listened and they left after a few minutes.
So yesterday, just before noon, I had just got home from kick boxing and was making my lunch. I had the stereo turned up loud enough that it could be heard outside, so when the doorbell rang, I had no choice but to open it. I knew at an instant that it was them. Margaret asked for Steve by name, Bob stayed a couple of feet back, not speaking, only nodding in my direction. After I told them that Steve wasn't home (which he wasn't, otherwise I would have made him answer the door), Margaret went on to read a passage of scripture and ask me how I felt about the bible. Not wanting to get into it with them I replied that it was a really big question. Margaret than babbled on for it a bit while I impatiently held the door open to the freezing cold air streaming inside my toasty warm house. She did say something about how back in the day there was a bible in every house and how advances in science and technology have made us into sceptics. She than handed me a pamphlet entitled "Can You Trust the Bible?" Apparently, this was a special issue that "would not be reprinted", according to Margaret. I think this was supposed to make me feel special for receiving it. I can assure you, it did not. She opened the pamphlet and drew my attention to it's "selling features", which included:
"Reasons to Trust the Bible
Historical Soundness
Candor and Honesty
Internal Harmony
Scientific Accuracy
Fulfilled Prophecy"
and then a section that reads:
"You may wonder, 'Is there any source of guidance that is worthy of our trust?'"
and another that reads:
"After reading the articles that follow, you can decide for yourself whether the Bible merits your trust."
I had just about had enough at this point. I was raised Catholic and currently consider myself agnostic. I don't know what I believe but religion is not currently a part of my life. I do know how I feel about the bible. When we were kids, my brother received a gift from our parish priest. It was a thick, beautifully bound book called "Beautiful Bible Stories". It was full of passages from the bible in large print accompanied by beautifully painted pictures. Obviously it was meant to be an introduction to the bible for young children. But what struck me then and what sticks with me now is the title. These are stories. Whether you believe that they are true or not, they are simply stories. And these stories are interpreted differently by each religion who claims this book as their own. So who's right? If I had my way, we would all agree to disagree. If everyone could accept that their are several interpretations of this text and no one is more correct than the other, wouldn't the world be a happier place?
Margaret and Bob left me with the pamphlet and were on their way. They were very efficient. The visit wasn't more than five minutes, although it felt like a lifetime to me. And not once did they mention that they were Jehovah's Witnesses, although the tiny print on the back of the pamphlet confirmed it. But the most interesting thing happened after they left. No, I didn't magically become a believer. I watched Margaret and Bob walk to their car, parked in the court across from our house. They sat in their car for a few minutes, presumably taking notes and then drove away. Clearly they were not visiting anyone else in our neighbourhood that day. Either the rest of our neighbours had successfully brushed them off or they think that Steve and I really need saving. Oh we need saving all right. But not in the way they think.
So yesterday, just before noon, I had just got home from kick boxing and was making my lunch. I had the stereo turned up loud enough that it could be heard outside, so when the doorbell rang, I had no choice but to open it. I knew at an instant that it was them. Margaret asked for Steve by name, Bob stayed a couple of feet back, not speaking, only nodding in my direction. After I told them that Steve wasn't home (which he wasn't, otherwise I would have made him answer the door), Margaret went on to read a passage of scripture and ask me how I felt about the bible. Not wanting to get into it with them I replied that it was a really big question. Margaret than babbled on for it a bit while I impatiently held the door open to the freezing cold air streaming inside my toasty warm house. She did say something about how back in the day there was a bible in every house and how advances in science and technology have made us into sceptics. She than handed me a pamphlet entitled "Can You Trust the Bible?" Apparently, this was a special issue that "would not be reprinted", according to Margaret. I think this was supposed to make me feel special for receiving it. I can assure you, it did not. She opened the pamphlet and drew my attention to it's "selling features", which included:
"Reasons to Trust the Bible
Historical Soundness
Candor and Honesty
Internal Harmony
Scientific Accuracy
Fulfilled Prophecy"
and then a section that reads:
"You may wonder, 'Is there any source of guidance that is worthy of our trust?'"
and another that reads:
"After reading the articles that follow, you can decide for yourself whether the Bible merits your trust."
I had just about had enough at this point. I was raised Catholic and currently consider myself agnostic. I don't know what I believe but religion is not currently a part of my life. I do know how I feel about the bible. When we were kids, my brother received a gift from our parish priest. It was a thick, beautifully bound book called "Beautiful Bible Stories". It was full of passages from the bible in large print accompanied by beautifully painted pictures. Obviously it was meant to be an introduction to the bible for young children. But what struck me then and what sticks with me now is the title. These are stories. Whether you believe that they are true or not, they are simply stories. And these stories are interpreted differently by each religion who claims this book as their own. So who's right? If I had my way, we would all agree to disagree. If everyone could accept that their are several interpretations of this text and no one is more correct than the other, wouldn't the world be a happier place?
Margaret and Bob left me with the pamphlet and were on their way. They were very efficient. The visit wasn't more than five minutes, although it felt like a lifetime to me. And not once did they mention that they were Jehovah's Witnesses, although the tiny print on the back of the pamphlet confirmed it. But the most interesting thing happened after they left. No, I didn't magically become a believer. I watched Margaret and Bob walk to their car, parked in the court across from our house. They sat in their car for a few minutes, presumably taking notes and then drove away. Clearly they were not visiting anyone else in our neighbourhood that day. Either the rest of our neighbours had successfully brushed them off or they think that Steve and I really need saving. Oh we need saving all right. But not in the way they think.
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