The end.

So, uh, yeah. Not much blog posting going on over here. I've come to the realization that it's time to put this baby to bed. I want to keep blogging, but I've been struggling with the current rendition. I don't like the way it looks or feels anymore. I need to start over.

So I'm going to.

It will take me a bit of time to get set up again, but when I do, I will link to the new blog here. In the meantime, a huge thank you to all of you who have read and/or commented.

I'll be back soon...

shiny and new

I have been dying to overhaul the look of the blog for a while. I've gotten bored with the current layout. So the makeover begins today. Knowing me, it will take a while, but I'm hoping it will encourage me to blog more. So be prepared to be dazzled. Not really, just bear with me as I move the furniture around.

pah rum pum pum pum...

I'm not a religious person so maybe that's why I find this completely hysterical. Macleans published a column by Scott Feschuk that totally cracked me up. He uses the idea of baby Jesus as a blogger to describe society's current obsession with social media. That's how I see it anyway. Read through the comments on the Macleans website and you'll see that not everyone agrees and some find the article offensive.

Hi! I’m Baby Jesus. Hope you enjoy my blog!

A new batch of shepherds showed up. I’m liveblogging it. 3:22 Bowing. 3:23 Kneeling.

Baby Jesus: the Blog

User Profile: I am the Son of God, the Prince of Peace and the Messiah. I am also good with tools.

Likes: Carpentry, Fish, Hugs

Dislikes: Money-changers, Cruelty, Shaving

What I’m Doing Right Now: Various people are bringing me laud

12/25/0

4:33 a.m. Hi, I’m Baby Jesus. Welcome to my blog! It’s a place where I can write down my feelings about stuff and junk, tell you about what’s going down here in B-hem and keep you up to date on the redeeming of mankind. Enjoy!

4:54 So this is antiquity. Question: are there always this many cows around?

7:22 I don’t know about these swaddling clothes. Swaddling is pretty 10 B.M. (Before Me) if you know what I’m saying. What do you think? Answer my online poll.

10:36 Just spent the last 90 minutes being adored. Next up: an hour, maybe two, of being beheld. Surprisingly fatiguing.

11:51 Man, this is awkward. There’s this kid who’s been playing his drum for me for, like, ever. Which is great and everything, and the ox and lamb seem to be enjoying themselves—but has no one in this town heard of a melody? Maybe if I smile at him he’ll stop.

12:08 p.m. Pah-rum-pum-pum-pum. Oh great, now that’s going to be in my head all day.

1:39 Let’s take a question from the mailbag. Shepherd23987612 asks: “Baby Jesus, will sinners burn in the fires of Hell for all eternity or for a finite period that reflects the severity of their transgressions?” Good question, Shepherd239etc. (Spoiler alert!) Eternity. Remember: I don’t make the rules, I just serve as a physical manifestation of the omnipotent deity who does.

2:12 While it is true there are no limits to my capacity for forgiveness, let’s try to keep things civilized in the comments section, okay? It’s getting out of hand. Kill everyone under the age of 2? That’s real classy, KingHerodRocks.

3:03 Angels. They are beautiful. Truly one of God’s most inspired creations. I just had no idea how much they shed. There are feathers everywhere.

3:08 How’s this sound: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto other others.” Needs work, right? I’ll give it a polish.

3:22 A new batch of shepherds just showed up. I’m going to liveblog it:

• 3:22:08 Bowing.

• 3:23:44 Kneeling.

• 3:25:16 I think I saw a full-on genuflect there.

• 3:26:11 And again with the bowing.

5:46 Frankincense and myrrh?? I guess it’s true what they say—you really can’t have too much aromatic resin.

6:18 Back to the mailbag. Shepherd 123954644 asks: “How would you feel if over the course of many centuries the joyful celebration of the miracle of your virgin birth was slowly but inexorably transformed into an increasingly secular event characterized by binge eating, an insatiable lust for consumer goods and blindly pagan reverence for a mythical, chronically obese, gift-giving hermit?”

Honest answer: I’d be a bit bummed. That said, what’s with all the cynicism? Doesn’t anyone have a question for me about the Good News I bring and the fact that I am both the light and the way?

8:44 I’ve had to turn off this blog’s comments feature—some of the stuff was really getting personal. (Yes, I’m talking to you, JesusSucks.)

I’m sorry about the brightness of the star over my manger—but it’s an essential part of the overall effect. It wouldn’t be much of a “star of wonder” if shepherds had to stand around debating which one it was, would it? Sorry you walked all the way to Sidon because you followed the wrong star, Wise Men, but Almighty God had to respect municipal bylaws relating to light pollution. Jesus!

Oh, great, you’ve made me take me in vain. Thanks a lot.

Also, an important note: while yes, technically speaking, I am responsible for all these shepherds wandering into town, that does not mean I have to cover their bar tabs.

9:17 Just talked to the Holy Father. Asked if there’s a different species I could be redeeming. He’s going to get back to me after he predetermines the outcome of today’s chariot race.

Thanks to my friend Peter for sending this one to me.

conjunction junction, what's your function...

I don't profess to have the best command of the English language. I am fully aware that at times, my grammar stinks. But I like to think I have a decent grasp on punctuation. I recently came across two blogs that I added to my Google Reader because they show everyday misuse of the apostrophe and quotation marks. And I find this highly amusing.

The Blog of Unnecessary Quotation Marks highlights exactly what the title implies. It's quite funny to see how people misuse the quotation mark, often making the opposite statement of what they are actually intending. This one is a personal favourite.

Apostrophe Abuse is another blog that I am enjoying immensely. I'm always floored at how many people do not understand how to use the apostrophe when omitting letters. This is a great example. We're=we are not where. Seriously!

I'll throw one more link in even though it's not grammar related. Passive Aggressive Notes makes me laugh my ass off. People submit notes that they have seen posted in public or for a specific audience. It's hysterical what people will write in a note rather than expressing face to face. Case in point...

Obviously, it takes very little to keep me amused.

cool for cats

Have you seen garfield minus garfield?

I first heard about this hysterical sight on Derek K. Miller's blog. I've since seen it referenced on countless other blogs. So I'm jumping on the bandwagon. Please check it out. I laughed my ass off! You may too.